It was hard to stand there, taking photos of her, knowing that these are the last moments we’ll ever be able to share a few good laughs together.
I have already came to believe that November’s going to be the best month of my year. That if ever there’s going to be at least one good month in this year, it is going to be this one.
But no. It is and will always be my usual November.
My own. On my own.
Depressed? Sad?
Maybe yes.
On the lighter note, this also makes it a perfect time to heal the broken pieces of my past.
How long? I don’t know.
What I do know is that myself deserves this one. Not just for me, but for all the people who have seen the good in me. For all the people who have loved me. Got tired of me. For all the people who were and will be. For Gab. For mum.
And I just need to give it time.
How to heal?
Healing yourself is not fixing an attitude. Not changing an opinion. Not altering an aesthetic. But shifting a presence, an awareness, and energy.
In this case, fixing the parts doesn’t heal the whole. The only thing that changes you and your life is the awareness of the parts that are not ‘i’.
It is the whole. It is where you end up. It is where you begun.
So often people carry their past traumas into their present lives. And if you want any proof that we carry who we were into who we are, all you need to do is see how you respond into your inner child purring, “you’re to going to be okay from the person you’ve became”.
Am I ok with that?
No. I could do way, way better than this.
And this is the start of that journey.