Today, I went back to the gym.
It has been 2 months since I properly lifted weights. And this morning, at 5:30, I went to the gym with Raph.
I never considered going to the gym where he went because I feel that it’s way far for me. Besides, there’s gym closer to my house.
But the two gyms are quite different from each other. The one nearby is dim-lighted. Two floors. But smaller.
The one where Raph goes is a single floor, open space. Well-lit. And it feels like there well enough spaces for everyone to their workouts. It feels like twice the floor area of the gym closer to my place.
Apart from the huge difference in the physical setups of the two gyms, it’s actually my first to go with a friend.
Man. I hate to admit this. I have been wrong for a very long time. But it is way, way different. To go alone vs going with someone. Highly, in a positive way.
I wish I could have done this earlier this year. When I set myself to going about this journey.
But you know what you know.
Anyways, this morning as well, what struck the most is Raph’s character.
I can see everything that I was. And everything I wanted to be in him.
I don’t know how to put it to words, but someone kind. Loving. A man of virtue. A man of honor. A dignified man. And more.
Most things that either am not or was.
Sad. That feels sad.
I wanna curse. I wanna shout. I wanna explode in shame and in regret.
But, like most of my colleague would say, it is what it is.
How do I move forward from this?
I am not sure. But today, it’s all about people day.
All the people around me. I think they deserve my apologies.
I know that they all wanna hear it. And they may be wanna curse me or get angry to me. And I think I deserve that. Worse, they might even reject me.
But again, it is what it is.
And I just want to set this sadness free. I want them to hear how sorry I am.
And how I wish I could be Raph.